


Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

by tobeconspicuous



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Fusion, Angst and Feels, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Pining, Romance, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-17 05:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: "You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story."-- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a labour of love. Something I've wanted to write for a long time. It'll be a wild ride and I hope you join me for it. 
> 
> The science in this fic isn't accurate in the slightest. Nor is the description of memories. It's all a bit of fun.
> 
> Also, note that this fic has been written in a specific way. There is a reason for the way it has been written, which will hopefully become apparent as you read. But here's a hint, unreliable narrator.
> 
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic. Love you as always.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated.

The box was packed away neatly in Sonny’s bedroom closet, unassuming and out of sight. Sonny wasn’t sure why he had held onto it for so long. Especially when they were at their worst and Sonny was screaming in rage at him, Rafael Barba was never too far from Sonny’s mind.

Even now, as he leaned back on his desk chair eagerly awaiting the verdict of the trial his ex had politely asked him not to attend, his mind flicked back to the box in his closet. He promised himself that if Rafael was found not guilty he would return the box to him and that chapter of their lives would finally be over.

Amanda was looking at him, watching, waiting, trying to dissect exactly what he was thinking. Fin was at his desk, pretending to work while really playing ‘Words with Friends’ with his ex partner. Liv’s office stood vacant, as she had been allowed to attend the trial. And Sonny’s mind was stuck on that damned box.

He wished he hadn’t snapped at Rafael when he first found out what the man had done. He was angry though. Angry that he hadn’t thought about the repercussions of his actions on himself and what it meant for his career. Angry that he didn’t want anyone else from the squad other than Olivia Benson supporting him during the trial. But also angry that Rafael appeared to be done with their relationship, that he had moved on from Sonny.

Sonny’s anger caused his words to be pointed, harsh, and far nastier than he had expected. The mixture of hurt and fire in Rafael’s eyes told the detective that he had gone too far, that the man was done. Hence why Sonny needed to return the box, so they both could move on. 

The shrill ring of a phone interrupted his train of thought. Fin answered it quickly, a few muttered agreements slipping from his mouth. Both Sonny and Amanda turned to him, curious and eager to know what the call was about. As Fin hung up the phone a small frown graced his features, he looked straight into Sonny’s eyes, his mouth formed two words.

“Not guilty.”

\--

It had been a week since the verdict and the box was still in Sonny’s closet. Not by lack of trying though, Sonny had attempted to return the box to Rafael directly but the man had gone and another ADA had taken over the office. He had tried calling Rafael and had been advised his numbers were disconnected. None of the squad were able to assist, even Carmen had no idea where the man had gone.

Lucia Barba was his last resort.

He had always admired the woman. She had a biting tongue and a sharp sense of humor which had clearly rubbed off on her son. Sonny had yet to bring himself to delete her contact information, another thing he needed to rectify. He called her and left a voicemail, unsurprised that she hadn’t picked up. She called him back quickly.

“Ms. Barba,” he answered more formally than he had expected.

Lucia’s familiar voice relaxed him. “ _ Dominick? You can still call me Lucia. _ ”

“Thanks,” he was sure the woman could hear his relief. “As I said on my voicemail I found some of Rafael’s things--”

“ _ And you wish to return them? _ ” She humored him, he could tell that she didn’t quite believe him.

Sonny was glad that she couldn’t see how red his face was becoming. “Is there a time and place that suits you?”

“ _ Come over tomorrow after work _ .” It was a command. “ _ I will cook for you _ .”

“Lucia--”

“ _ I insist _ .”

Sonny thanked the woman profusely before ending the call and glancing at the closet. He took a deep breath before he padded over and opened the door. He bent down and picked up the box before he carried it over to his bed.

It wasn’t large, not much bigger than the pair of shoes it once held. Sonny carefully removed the lid and peered inside, examining the contents. There were a couple of photos of Rafael from Harvard, of the man himself and Rita Calhoun on a beach somewhere after they had graduated. There was an aubergine tie that Sonny had given him on their anniversary as well as three sets of cufflinks with various legal puns which Rafael would never wear.

Finally there was a letter that Sonny had penned himself, a love letter of sorts he supposed. Sonny had certainly poured far too much of himself into the letter, it was enough to make the prosecutor notice him. Sonny picked it up, it weighed heavy in his hand. He wanted to scrunch it up, to tear it, yet something stopped him from doing so.

He stored the letter back into the box and placed the lid back on. He took a deep breath before he picked the box up once more and placed it on his night stand. Soon it would be in Lucia’s possession, she would pass it on to Rafael, and Sonny would finally be free.

\--

When Lucia Barba had company she really went all out. Even though the woman was a wonderful host, Sonny felt awkward sitting at her table and eating her food. He supposed it was normal to feel this way when having dinner with an ex’s mother. Still, the company, and the food, were excellent, and Sonny found himself enjoying the evening.

With a full belly and the box discarded to the couch, Sonny thanked the woman who made him promise to keep in touch. She hurried him out the door and demanded he get a good night's sleep. Before she closed the door on him Sonny just knew he had to say one last thing, what he wished that he had gotten to say to her son.

“Tell Rafael that I-- we all miss him,” He forced a smile.

Clearly that was not what the woman wanted to hear, her face fell into a sad frown. “Wait here.” She reached out and patted his cheek before disappearing into the apartment. She returned holding a pale brown card in hand. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but I think you need to know. This was delivered to me three days ago.”

She passed him the card and motioned for Sonny to read it. As he scanned the text his hand began to shake. He felt his heart pound against his rib cage before it finally stopped and shattered, the words had practically burned into his mind.

 

_ Dear Lucia Barba, _

_ Rafael Barba has had Dominick ‘Sonny’ Carisi Jr. erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him again. _

_ Lacuna Inc. _

_ 210 E Grand Street, New York, NY, 10019 _

 

“What is this?” He finally croaked out.

“It appears my foolish son went and erased you from his memory,” Lucia sighed, her arms tightly crossed in front of her. “I’m sorry, Sonny.”

“I just don’t...” He couldn’t help but wince. “I don’t understand?”

“Speak to someone at the company,” Lucia reached out and pulled him into a hug. “But if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?” Even though he heard the words, Sonny just couldn’t make sense of them. His mind was blank. Sonny attempted to hand the card back to Lucia who just shook her head and pressed it back to him. “You keep it. Goodnight.”

Sonny forced a smile before he turned on his heel and left, the card heavy in his hand. His mind was reeling, unable to process what Rafael had done. Why him? Why had Rafael decided to erase him? Sonny was determined, when he next had a day off he would visit the company and discover exactly what had happened to Rafael.

\--

It was several weeks before Sonny could make the trip out to Chinatown to visit the offices of Lacuna Inc. The front door was unassuming, just the company name printed over glass. Sonny had to double back to actually find it. As he opened the door he was confronted by stark white walls and a pretty blonde receptionist manning a classic looking reception.

“Good morning, Lacuna,” the receptionist was soft and measured as she answered the phone. “Certainly, we can fit you in on the second.” Sonny walked over and leaned on the counter, to one side there was a printer spitting out notification cards. “Could you spell that please?” The receptionist held up a finger, asking Sonny to hang on a moment. “Great, and we need a daytime phone-- Thank you, have a nice day.” She then flashed a bright smile. “Welcome to Lacuna, how can I help you?”

“Uh, Dominick Carisi?” He winced at how croaky and uncertain he sounded. “I have an appointment with Dr. Mierzwiak.”

“Fill this out,” she passed him a form. “I’ll let you know when Dr. Mierzwiak is ready.”

Sonny rolled his eyes and scanned the form, each and every question was pertaining to why a person wanted the procedure done and what they were looking to achieve from it. “Look, I just want to talk to the doctor.”

“You still need to complete the form,” the receptionist politely sang before she was interrupted by another phone call. “Good morning, Lacuna.”

Sonny sighed but grabbed a pen and answered the questions as best he could. Once he had completed the form he handed it back to the receptionist with a smile and a nod before taking a seat in the empty waiting room. He didn’t have to wait long, the receptionist finished her call and guided him down a long corridor into the doctor’s office.

Dr. Mierzwiak was an older gentleman, he had graying hair and a portly belly. He rose to stand as Sonny entered the room. “Mr. Carisi, thank you for your patience.”

“It’s Detective,” he forced a smile as the doctor gestured for him to take a seat. “Look, I don’t want to take up too much of your time, but is this a joke?” It just had to be.

“Excuse me?” The doctor spluttered. “It is certainly not.”

“Because my ex’s mother gave me this,” Sonny pulled the card out of his pocket and tossed it on the doctor’s desk.

“You should not have seen this,” the doctor muttered, his eyes wide in shock. “I apologize.”

“People can’t erase memories,” Sonny clenched his hands into fists.

“I can assure you that we can,” the doctor continued. “I cannot show you confidential files, but I can advise that Mr. Barba was unhappy and wanted to forget--”

“Me?” Sonny snapped. “Why me? Why not the rest of the squad?”

“We prefer not to remove too much,” the doctor explained. “We do not want to cause permanent damage. And you, well, you were the largest source of pain for Mr. Barba.”

The man’s words felt like a stab in the gut, it was though all their air had been knocked from his lungs. Sonny took a deep breath, held it for a moment to calm himself down and then exhaled.

“Can it be reversed?” Sonny felt his voice break as he asked.

“It can be,” the answer was tentative. “The memories can be forced back.” Dr. Mierzwiak locked eyes with Sonny. “It would be painful though, and there is no guarantee all the memories would come back. Mr. Barba may end up with a fractured mind.”

Sonny wrenched his gaze away and tried to hold back the anger he wanted to unleash. How could Rafael do this to him? How could he want to forget everything? Had Rafael always been that selfish?

Sonny felt bile creep up the back of his throat. “How quickly can it be done?” Sonny queried, his mouth throwing out words faster than he could think them through.

The doctor’s brow furrowed. “Excuse me.”

“Say I wanted this done right now,” Sonny scowled. “Is that possible?”

“Detective,” Dr. Mierzwiak sighed. “I suggest that you at least consider the potential pitfalls before insisting on the procedure.”

Sonny didn’t want to hear it. “I want it done, now.”  If Rafael could toss him away without a second thought he could certainly do the same to the prosecutor.

“Please take a week,” the doctor soothed. “If you still wish to get the procedure done next Friday I will ensure that we fit you in as soon as we can. In the meantime please gather anything that may trigger memories of Mr. Barba. Anything. Photos. Clothing. Gifts. Journal entries. Cologne. We want to empty your home-- your life of Mr. Barba.”

“Fine,” Sonny scowled. “I will be back.”

With that he stormed out the door, past the receptionist and straight out into the street. As he made his way home he breathed a sigh of relief. With the box gone, and a chance to truly forget about Rafael, Sonny felt a happiness he hadn’t experienced in a long time. 

He felt free.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that the science in this fic isn't accurate in the slightest. Nor is the description of memories. It's all a bit of fun.
> 
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic. Love you as always.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated.

A week passed faster than Sonny expected, and he found himself once again standing in the offices of Lacuna Inc, this time with everything that reminded him of Rafael in hand. Some of the things were painful, expensive woolen suits the man had lovingly purchased as gifts, others such as the ticket stubs from a movie they saw together were less so. Yet Sonny felt as though there was a weight off his shoulders, he stood with a new confidence.

This time when he entered Dr. Mierzwiak’s office the man rose and greeted him with a forced smile. “I’m assuming you wish to proceed with the procedure, Detective?”

“Obviously,” Sonny sheepishly held up the two bags full of items. 

“Luckily for you we have had a cancellation,” the doctor continued. “We can perform the procedure tonight--”

“Tonight?” Sonny didn’t expect it to happen to quickly.

“If you’re interested we can get started right now?” the doctor queried, Sonny just nodded. “Excellent. Come with me and bring those bags.” Dr. Mierzwiak rose to his feet and Sonny quickly followed. They walked two doors down and he knocked politely, a slightly ruffled man answered. “Detective, this is Patrick. He will be conducting your interview.”

“Interview?” Sonny questioned.

“We need to make a map of Rafael Barba in your mind,” the shorter man beamed. “Come in and make yourself comfortable.” Sonny quickly sat down, Patrick followed him and gestured to a tape recorder sitting on the table. “We’ll chat a little, I’ll ask you some questions and we’ll record the answers.”

Sonny nodded. “And then what?”

“We’ll do some tests with our technician and send you home with some sleeping pills,” Patrick answered warmly.

“That’s it?” Sonny was skeptical.

“Tonight we’ll use your spare key to get into your apartment and finish the procedure,” the man shrugged. “Last chance to back out.”

Sonny nodded with determination. “Let’s do this.”

Hours later, Sonny was on the train back home to his apartment, he was exhausted. They had extracted every single memory, every single argument, every single kiss, every single small insignificant moment which Sonny had thought he had forgotten. He felt raw.

Relief flooded his bones as he stepped through his front door, glad to be home and even gladder when it was time for bed. He popped his pills, drank his water and drifted off into a deep, dark sleep, none the wiser about the destruction that was about to be racked on his brain.

\--

Sonny felt fuzzy.

He opened his eyes to darkness. Everything was pitch black. He reached over to find a light switch, but there was nothing. His hands though, were as clear as day. He examined them, curling and uncurling his long fingers, surprised that everything looked normal.

_ Bang bang bang. _

Sonny spun around and found himself standing in front of two large oak doors and his breath caught in his throat. He wasn’t sure how he had made his way to Rafael’s old office. There was a familiar clicking sound, the door opened and the man himself was standing before him.

“Detective,” his voice was rough, his appearance disheveled. 

Sonny’s voice caught in his throat, his body felt numb. It was the first time he had seen Rafael in weeks, he was surprised at how good Rafael looked. He was wearing familiar a dark grey suit, the same he was wearing the last time Sonny had seen him.

There was so much that Sonny wanted to say to the man, instead words of rage spilled out. “What the hell did you do, Rafael?”

“If you’re going to scold me please do so in my office,” he opened the door and gestured for Sonny to follow.

In an instant Sonny was standing in the room, Rafael was seated at his desk pouring them both glasses of scotch. Sonny felt as though he was in two places at once, nausea worked its way deep into his belly.  He looked up only to find himself shouting once more. “Did you even think about the greater impact? What about your career?”

“What career?” Rafael cocked his brow. “Some say I ruined that the moment I brought another man to a mixer.”

This was going badly, and Sonny knew it was going to get worse. He heard himself arguing with the man, his words growing nastier, more aggressive, the ADA matching him word for word. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Then there was--

_ Silence. _

“I never wanted it to go like this,” Sonny whispered, his eyes still shut tight. “I wanted to show you I was still there, that I still cared.”

“I knew,” Rafael whispered back. “I refused to be scolded further. Liv, my mother, then you.”

“I’m sorry,” Sonny’s voice cracked.

He felt a hand touch his face and a familiar scent filled his nostrils, Rafael’s cologne. “I know.”

Sonny opened his eyes, he was on the other side of Rafael’s office, the door in hand. The prosecutor was talking to him, the tone was harsh but the words lost, until he finally caught one sentence as clear as day. “Do not come to my trial.”

“I wouldn’t dream of supporting a murderer,” he spat before he could stop himself. The sound of the door slamming behind him echoed as he was plunged into darkness once more.

He fell to his hands and knees, gasping, choking on nothing. He felt a hand on his back, he spun around and he was suddenly in Rafael’s apartment. He felt himself collapse and curled into himself. He shut his eyes and tried not to sob. “No, no, no, no.” He did not wish to relive this particular memory.

When his eyes were open all he could see was the girl, her frail form on the autopsy table, half rotten. He raced over to the bin and emptied his stomach before squeezing his eyes tight again. Once more he felt a hand rub his back, soothing him.

“Please, Rafael,” he called out into the darkness as the hand disappeared. There was no response. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes once more.

He was standing in his own apartment. Rafael was standing next to him, reeking of alcohol. “What did you do?” The words escaped Sonny before he could stop them.

Rafael turned and looked at him, his mouth had curled into a sneer. “What did I do? I did nothing.” He slowly walked towards Sonny, a determined look in his eye. “I thought we were working things out, I thought things were going well.”

“Rafael,” Sonny felt his heart throb.

“And then I hear that you tried to kiss Rollins,” a nasty laugh erupted from the man. “I knew there was something happening there.”

“Raf--”

“No,” he snapped, his voice breaking. “You do not get to pretend. I can’t do this again, I won't let you do this again.”

Sonny reached out. “Please.”

“I am done with you,” Rafael spat before he turned on his heal.

Sonny squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “I regret that night so much.”

“Fighting with me?” Rafael’s voice was soft in his ear. “Or kissing Rollins.”

“Almost kissing,” Sonny automatically defended.

“Good.”

“It was stupid,” the detective admitted.

He could practically hear the smile in Rafael’s voice. “It certainly was.”

“I missed you,” Sonny continued, his voice small and tired. “I had been missing you for months and months.”

“What about Arielle?” The prosecutor questioned.

“She was a distraction,” Sonny murmured. “From you.” Sonny felt warm breath on his mouth, he felt light headed and dizzy, he wanted to close the gap. Instead he opened his eyes once more. 

The world felt as though it was spinning, Sonny was so very dizzy. He felt as though he was circling himself, watching himself shout at Rafael, angry that the man hadn’t even attempted to follow any of his suggestions. He had passed the bar, he was licensed and he knew what he was talking about, why couldn’t the prosecutor see that.

That’s when Sonny noticed what he had failed to do so previously. The man didn’t shout back, nor did he look as angry as he normally did. Rafael just looked tired, his eyes though told the whole story, the man was utterly wounded.

It was like a punch in the gut. Sonny stumbled for a moment before he felt himself fall backwards and land hard on the floor of his apartment. Rafael was standing there, staring down at Sonny, a look of amusement plastered across his face. The detective scrambled to his feet as he flashed a sheepish smile at the ADA.

“What were you doing?” The ADA asked, his brow cocked.

“Nothing,” Sonny grumbled, a scowl began to form on his face. “You should have told me you were coming around.”

“I messaged you,” a small smirk appeared on Rafael’s face.

Sonny just snapped. “Clearly I was busy.”

“Lying on the floor?” Rafael’s smirk grew wider.

Sonny rolled his eyes and stormed off to the kitchen. “Why are you like this?” He turned to see the prosecutor following him, a small frown on his face. “Am I just a joke to you?”

“Of course not, Sonny--”

“Well stop acting like it,” Sonny spat as he threw open the fridge door and pulled out the steaks he had been marinating.

Rafael watched as he rummaged around the kitchen, looking for cooking supplies. “Sonny--”

“Do you even like me?” The detective was unable to control the anger that was bubbling out of him. “Or was I just a distraction to pass the time while we were investigating the death threats?”

“Of course not,” Rafael answered.

“Really?” Sonny remembered not believing him, but now the situation didn’t make sense. He had become so angry too quickly. “Because now you only come round when you want to be fucked.” He grabbed his fry pan, placed it on the stove top and turned the heat on. “And frankly, Rafael, I can’t be fucked.”

“Sonny?” The man took a tentative step forward.

Sonny felt his hands shake in anger, his next statement though was quiet and measured. “Just leave.”

Rafael gave a short nod before he turned and left. Sonny felt his entire being ache. He wanted to reach out and touch the man, instead he was left standing there alone. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath, plunging himself into welcome darkness.

He opened his eyes.

To nothing.

All he could see was stark whiteness everywhere. There was nothing, Sonny held his hands out to check that they were here, that he was here.

‘ _We'll start with your most recent memories and go backwards._ ’ A metallic voice echoed, bouncing off non existent walls. ‘ _There is an emotional core to each of our memories, as we eradicate this core, it starts its degradation process._ ’

Sonny felt a sinking feeling, all of his limbs felt heavy. There was a tightness in his chest, his heart pounding against his rib cage. He was struggling to breathe.

‘ _ By the time you wake up in the morning, _ ’ the continual echoing made Sonny’s head ache. ‘ _ All memories we've targeted will have withered and disappeared. As in a dream upon waking _ .’

That was when it clicked, he knew exactly what was happening. A sense of dread washed over the detective. It was real, everything was real, it wasn’t a joke. Lacuna Inc. was erasing his memories of Rafael one by one. In a few hours Sonny wouldn’t remember the prosecutor, he wouldn’t even recognize him if the man was standing three feet in front of him.

What had he done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that the science in this fic isn't accurate in the slightest. Nor is the description of memories. It's all a bit of fun.
> 
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic. Love you as always.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Sonny’s chest felt tight, yet he was unable to move, stuck in the white bright void of his mind. His head was pounding and he could swear that his vision was blurry. He tried to take a step forward, but instead found himself plummeting through the floor, falling through endless nothing.

He landed with a soft thud.

It took a moment for Sonny to realize exactly where he was. It had been a long time since he had awoken in Rafael’s king size bed, but he remembered it so vividly. How large it was, how soft the sheets were, how beautiful it’s owner looked wrapped in blankets.

Rafael was not a morning person, he had the covers pulled up to his chin, trying to keep out the cold. Sonny found himself reaching out to tug down the blanket, exposing Rafael’s tanned shoulder. He couldn’t help but stroke the newly exposed flesh before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to it.

“Sonny,” Rafael moaned sleepily. “Stop that.”

“Come on, Rafi,” he heard himself tease as he tugged the blanket down further. “We both have the day off--”

The prosecutor huffed in response. “Exactly, sleep now.”

Sonny just rolled his eyes and continued to press feather-light kisses into the back of the man’s neck. He remembered this morning so clearly, the way the sunlight streamed through Rafael’s open windows, washing the room in a natural glow. The way his lover looked bathed in the sunlight, the cute smirk on the man’s face as he pretended to be annoyed. Sonny could read Rafael like a book.

“Let me get you some coffee,” he murmured before pressing a final kiss to the ADA’s shoulder.

Rafael chuckled. “Coffee first. Then we can talk.”

“I was hoping to do a little more than talk,” Sonny teased as he dragged himself out of bed.

Rafael’s response was short and sweet. “You can always hope.”

As he padded down the hallway, Sonny felt the floor give way. He reached out to grasp onto the edge of his memory. It was no use, everything melted around him. His stomach sank as he disappeared into blackness. 

He heard noises, voices. He span around until he saw Rafael sitting at a table. A gentle smile graced his handsome features. He looked up and spotted Sonny and the smile dropped and was replaced by a knowing smirk. Sonny felt himself rush forward, blathering nonsensical apologies before he took his seat opposite Rafael.

“What a day,” Sonny groaned as he reached for the menu.

Rafael just raised a brow. “Glad you could finally make it.”

“Ha ha,” Sonny scoffed. “I’ve already apologized, what more do you want?”

“Move in with me?” Sonny put down the menu and stared at Rafael, he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“Uhhhhh,” he reached for the glass of water in front of him and took a long gulp. “Did you just ask me to move in?”

“Yes.”

Sonny’s eyes widened at the blunt response. “Why?”

“Why not?” The smirk plastered on Rafael’s face twitched as he locked his viridian eyes to Sonny’s cerulean. 

Sonny just shook his head. “This. Us. We’re relatively new?”

“We’ve been circling each other for years,” Rafael countered.

Sonny looked back down at the menu, his head swimming. He felt disconnected from this conversation. He looked back up at Rafael but the man looked different, his face was fuzzy, as though Sonny needed glasses. He looked around the room, the other diners, the staff, the tables. He looked back at the menu, then back up at Rafael. It was no use, everything was blurred.

“I’m just surprised,” he winced, his voice sounded slow. Rafael’s response was even slower.

Sonny felt dizzy, he was losing any semblance of control he may have had. He breathed in deeply, before he pushed himself to his feet and staggered towards the exit. He heard what could have been Rafael’s voice behind him. He turned to look away, but ran straight into Rafael.

“Uh, sorry,” Sonny muttered.

Rafael hadn’t acknowledged him. Instead he looked at the increasingly blurred restaurant, his features twisted into a frown.

“This wasn’t how it went,” he sounded anguished. “You said yes.”

“I did?” Sonny asked. He tried to find the memory, instead it was just pure noise.

“Don’t you remember?”

It was though a bucket of ice had been poured over Sonny’s head. He didn’t remember, he couldn’t remember, he had chosen not to remember. 

Yet here was Rafael, or what was left of Sonny’s memory of him. He looked sad, he looked tired, as though he was done. Sonny didn’t want that, he reached out and cupped Rafael’s face with his hand. He took a step forward and grazed Rafael’s cheek with his thumb.

“I love you.” The words were out before he could try and stop them, and a gentle warmth rushed over his body. He leaned forward to press a kiss to Rafael’s mouth, but the man had disappeared once more. Sonny was once again alone, in the dark.

Sonny couldn’t say how long he was trapped in the abyss, it felt like an age. Seeped in darkness listening to the whispers of another life echoing through his head. He drew a deep breath and sighed loudly.

“Why do you always do that?” Rafael’s tone had a bite to it.

Sonny just chuckled. “Sigh?”

“So physically,” Rafael continued, his tone curious. “Your entire body is always moving, every action tells a story.”

“I’m Italian,” Sonny shrugged.

Rafael just eyed him off. “Stereotyping?”

“Nah,” a smile played at his mouth. “I had three sisters, it was a loud household. We always had enthusiastic discussions.”

“Still trying to one up them?” Rafael chuckled.

Sonny tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms. “What makes you say that?”

“Just a hunch,” Rafael shrugged. A beat later he turned to Sonny. “You should have pressed me.”

“What?” 

“I wanted to say I was impressed with you,” Rafael continued, his brow furrowed. “Law School? Passing the bar? Both whilst working full time? It was impressive.”

“It still is,” Sonny teased.

Rafael looked up at him, his expression serious. “I wish you had let me tell you that.”

“I already knew,” Sonny wanted to reach out, to touch Rafael. Something was holding him back, an unusual sense of fear.

“Did you?” The question was almost a whisper.

Sonny froze, the question rang through his mind on repeat. Did he know? He must have known, the entire conversation was a product of his mind. Or was this what he wanted to hear? Was this an idealized version of Rafael? He felt dizzy, his breaths growing short.

“Don’t think too hard,” Rafael’s familiar voice teased. “It’ll come to you in a moment.”

“Nope,” Sonny sunk back into the couch. “I give up, you win. You’re the smartest.”

“Sonny--”

“I was one when this came out, Rafael,” he continued to moan. “How can I remember events that happened when I was one?”

“History doesn’t change, Sonny,” Rafael’s expression was far too smug.

“How am I supposed to know the name of a submarine lost at sea in 1963?” He grumbled as he picked up his TV remote and started to surf through channels.

Rafael just rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who wanted to play a boardgame.”

“Anything but the nineteen eighty one edition of Trivial Pursuit,” Sonny groaned. “Why do you even own this?”

“Rita and I picked it up second hand,” Rafael chuckled. “It kept us nicely distracted from our studies.”

“So you know every answer then?” Sonny scowled. 

“Obviously.”

“This was rigged from the start,” Sonny pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Rafael looked at him, his expression was so soft it made Sonny’s stomach flutter. He stood up and offered Sonny his hand. “Come on, I can think of several things we could be doing right now that are far more enjoyable than Trivial Pursuit.”

Sonny chuckled and reached out to grab Rafael’s hand, but there was nothing, his hand fell through dead air. And when he looked up, Rafael was gone once more.

A scream of frustration erupted from Sonny’s lungs, he kicked at the floor but it was solid. His knees gave out and a fell to the floor, crumpling in on himself. For the first time in a long time he felt hopeless.

It wasn’t often he regretted the choices that he made, usually he could justify why he had taken the paths he did. But this choice, to erase Rafael from his mind? He wasn’t just losing Rafael, he was losing the man that he had become, and that terrified him.

He felt a hand rest upon his shoulder, it sent a shiver down his spine. He looked up into deep pools of viridian and couldn’t help but smile. It was a simple gesture, one that he had experienced many times before. It was comforting.

“Look out at the water,” Rafael murmured, the ghost of a smile on his face. “The Manhattan skyline is stunning at sunset.”

“And you didn’t want to come out to Staten Island with me,” he couldn’t help but tease.

“No,” the response was short as he dropped his hand from Sonny’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to meet your parents.”

“And?” Sonny nudged Rafael with his shoulder before looking over to the shoreline.

Rafael just raised his brow. “And what?”

“What did you think of them?” Sonny chuckled as he watched the Statue of Liberty sailed past.

“They clearly love you,” Rafael reached out and squeezed his hand. “They’re making an effort to appear comfortable around me.”

“They’re coming around slowly,” he smiled at the thought of his parents. “They’ll get there.”

“I’m sure they will,” Rafael murmured in agreement.

He shifted so his body was facing Sonny’s and reached out to stroke his face. Sonny leaned into the touch, practically purring before he stepped forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Rafael’s mouth. When they broke apart all Sonny could see was Rafael, a gentle smile on his face and framed by the rays of the slowly setting sun. 

He looked beautiful.

Sonny felt calm, he reached out and grabbed Rafael’s hand, threading his fingers through the older man’s. He looked back out at the sunset and held tight to Rafael, but all too soon the man was slipping through his fingers and Sonny found himself looking at the wall of his apartment.

_ Tap Tap Tap _

The knock at his door made him jump. He turned to look at the time. It was seven PM. Sonny scrambled over his couch and rushed over to the door. He opened it as quickly as he could. 

Rafael was standing on the other side, an unimpressed look on his face. “You could at least have made an effort for me.”

Sonny couldn’t take his words seriously, not when his brow was cocked and there was a teasing smile on his face. Sonny took a step back and gestured for Rafael to follow. He watched as Rafael took a tentative step inside his apartment and looked around.

“So this is where you live?” Rafael teased as Sonny closed the door behind him. “It’s cleaner than I expected.”

“What can I say--” Sonny started then stopped. “Wait, stop. I’m not doing this.”

“Sonny?” Rafael looked confused. 

“I am not going through the motions,” Sonny walked over to him and grabbed his hands. “I am not reliving this memory only to lose it, to lose you.”

A soft sad smile formed on Rafael’s face. “But you chose this, Sonny.”

“I know,” Sonny reached out to touch Rafael’s face. “I was angry at you and even though it still hurts I don’t want to lose the happiest moments of my life. I am so sorry, Rafael, you deserved better.”

“So did you,” Rafael murmured, his viridian eyes shimmered.

“Stay,” Sonny stepped forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Rafael’s soft lips. “Please.” Sonny wrapped his arms around Rafael and held him tight, not wanting him to fade again. “I’ll fight for you.” He pressed a kiss to Rafael’s forehead. “I’ll save you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memory of Bella and Sonny playing was inspired by just a bang-bang rolling off your tongue by Scared_Beings_in_the_Dark. A wonderful character study of Bella Carisi and I do recommend.
> 
> Just a reminder that the science in this fic isn't accurate in the slightest. Nor is the description of memories. It's all a bit of fun.
> 
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic. Love you as always.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Sonny could only hold Rafael for a moment before he felt the memory starting to fall to ruin around them. He expected the dream to slowly dissolve around them, instead it appeared that everything was falling to pieces. As though someone had gone through with a sledge hammer and proceeded to smash all everything in sight. 

Sonny’s head ached. Each time he felt he finally had a hold on the situation the rules changed and Sonny found everything he tried to hold on to slipping through his grasp. He let go of Rafael and looked around the slowly crumbling apartment. 

“What are you doing?” Rafael huffed, their moment broken.

“I need to find a way to hide you,” Sonny frowned as a wall fell away. “And I have no clue how. They have access to everything, every memory of you.”

A small smirk crept onto Rafael’s face. “I have an idea.”

“What?” Sonny sighed as he tapped his foot impatiently.

“Can you be still for one moment,” Rafael took a deep breath. “They’re erasing me from your memories of me.”

“I think so,” There was an almost hysterical edge to Sonny’s tone. “I don’t know.”

“This was a memory of me?” Sonny nodded vigorously. “What if you take us to a memory that isn’t of me?”

“What?”

“Take me somewhere they don’t know,” Rafael sounded far too pleased with himself. “We can hide there till they leave.”

“Genius,” Sonny laughed.

“You better hurry though,” Rafael frowned. “I feel myself fading away.”

Sonny reached out and grabbed Rafael by the hand, he closed his eyes tight and thought of his childhood. A warm summer afternoon on Staten Island, his mother tending the garden while he and Bella ran around playing cops and robbers. He could practically feel the warmth of the sun on his skin, hear his little sisters laughter, smell the lavender. When he opened his eyes, he was there. 

“Is this really how you see your mother?” He turned to look at Rafael who was examining the memory, a look of curiosity on his face.

Sonny looked over at the dark haired woman who was humming lightly as she trimmed sprigs of rosemary from the large bush which grew by the garden gate. “She’s in her element here.”

“I see that,” there was a hint of a smile in Rafael’s tone. “She’s beautiful.”

“Bang! Bang!” A young Bella shouted, shooting her gun at her older brother. “You’re dead!”

“Nuh uh,” he answered immediately. “You shot my sheriffs badge.”

“No I didn’t,” Bella stomped her foot.

“Yes you did,” Sonny sung back before turning on his heel and running. “You can’t catch me.”

_ ‘It’s stopped.’ _

The voice was unfamiliar, Sonny stopped and looked around. Bella was still running after him and Rafael was standing at the other end of the yard looking on in amusement. Sonny shook his head and dashed off again.

_ ‘What?’ _

_ ‘Listen, it's not erasing.’ _

Sonny felt a shudder run through his body. He ran back over to Rafael, as he darted around his sister he stuck his tongue out at her. Rafael cocked a brow when Sonny reached him.

“You’re enjoying this a little too much,” Rafael teased.

Sonny couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “I sure am.” 

_ ‘It's not erasing. He's off the screen.’ _

_ ‘Where?’ _

_ ‘I don't know!’ _

“Can you hear that?” Sonny turned to Rafael, a small frown on on his face. 

Rafael looked perplexed. “Hear what?”

_ ‘Well, what should we do?’ _

_ ‘I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! Crap. Crap…’ _

“That,” Sonny hissed as he pointed up towards a bright blue sky. “The voices. I think they're talking about me.”

“You’ve always thought highly of yourself,” Rafael teased.

Sonny grabbed him by the arm. “I’m being serious.”

“What exactly are they saying?” Rafael questioned.

_ ‘Hello Howard? The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere.’ _

“I think they’re looking for me,” Sonny frowned as he continued to listen intently. “They can’t find us at the moment.”

“That was the point wasn’t it?” Rafael murmured, he took Sonny’s hand with his own. “We’ll just stay here--”

_ ‘He’s coming here?’ _

“We’re safe for now,” Sonny squeezed Rafael’s hand. “But I’m not sure for how long.”

“Bang! Bang!” Bella shrieked, her hands pointed right at Sonny’s heart. “I got you! I got you.”

“That wasn’t fair,” Sonny pouted as his baby sister ran around the yard shrieking. “Mom!”

“Play nice, Sonny,” his mother hummed.

“But--”

“Or come and help me in the garden,” his mother’s tone was always light, always teasing.

Sonny stalked over with a huff and fell onto his knees. “Fine.” 

Bella copied him with a matching huff. Their mother chuckled before handing them both trowels and directing them to freshly churned dirt. She showed them how to dig shallow holes, how to plant the seeds and bury them with care. She talked them through the different kinds of vegetables that would grow and all the yummy foods they would make together.

All the while Rafael looked on, watching them with a soft look on his face. This was the Rafael he wanted to hold onto, the one who was patient and kind, who was happy to watch over him. He gave the man a wave before he returned to the garden, eager to feel the soil beneath his fingers once more.

“You’re getting filthy,” his mother laughed before ruffling his hair with her own dirty hands. “Come on, let’s have a bath before Pops gets home.”

Sonny nodded eagerly as he watched his mother rise to her feet, he and Bella soon followed suit. He shoved his sister to the side before he ran over to Rafael, reached out and took his hand. He dragged him into the house and up the stairs into the bathroom. His mother was already at the tub, her fingers swept repeatedly under the water continuously testing the temperature. She looked at Sonny, her face crinkled into a smile.

“Come on Sonny,” she beckoned him closer. “Get in while I go find your sister.”

After his mother left the room Sonny closed the door and locked it behind him. He stripped down and slowly stepped into the tub. He sank into the water, enjoying the soothing feeling as it ran over his body. He looked up to Rafael, a large smile on his face. “Join me?”

“No,” Rafael frowned.

“Awww,” Sonny splashed some water at him. “It’s nice in here.”

“Sonny--”

_ ‘I'm going to do a search through his entire memory, see if anything comes up.’ _

Sonny’s stomach sank as an all too familiar voice flooded his mind. He looked to Rafael and lifted a finger to his mouth, shushing him so he could hear if the voice spoke again. It did.

_ ‘Okay, here it is. I don't know why it's off the map like that, but--’ _

“Sonny?” His mother’s shouts were followed by the jiggling of the door handle. “You know you’re not supposed to lock the door.” The handle jiggled again. “Unlock this door now.”

“Just a moment, Ma,” Sonny huffed, he looked to Rafael and rolled his eyes. 

“Not just a moment,” she continued to scold. “Now.”

Sonny sighed loudly before he rose from the tub and stepped out with shaking legs. He padded over to the towel rack, removed a towel and wrapped it around him before moving over to the door. The pounding continued.

“I’m unlocking the door now, Ma,” the pounding finally stopped.

_ ‘Okay, we're back in.’ _

Sonny felt a shudder run through him, he turned to look for Rafael, but he was gone. “Rafael?” He whispered. There was no response.

With shaking hands, Sonny unlocked and slowly opened the door. His childhood hallway was not on the other side, it was the hallway of Rafael’s apartment. He tentatively stepped through, jumping as the door slammed behind him.

There was canned laughter and a glowing light in the distance. Sonny forced himself to move down the all too familiar corridor which opened into a surprisingly warm living space.  

Rafael was sitting on his couch wrapped in a soft blanket. There was a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table with two cups nestled beside it. As Sonny took another step forward Rafael’s head snapped up, a small smile quirked on his face. 

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Uhhh…” Sonny felt a blush creep up the back of his neck. “Exploring.”

“It’s not that exciting,” Rafael chuckled lightly before patting the space beside him. “Come on, you’re the one who wanted to watch this.”

Sonny flashed a sheepish smile before wandering over to the couch and sliding beneath the blanket. He rested his head on Rafael’s shoulder and smiled. “Is this okay?”

“I’ll make do,” Rafael teased before he moved his arm to wrap around Sonny. Sonny loved the feeling of being pressed against Rafael, the comforting sensation of the man’s arm around him. He sighed warmly and looked up at the television. 

It was off.

Sonny sat up, a small frown on his face. “This feels wrong.” He looked to Rafael who was looking back at him, concern in his deep green eyes. “They’ll find you here.”

“Sonny--”

He leapt to his feet and started to pace. “Where can I take you? Where won’t they find you?” He turned back to look at Rafael. 

He was gone. “Rafael!”

The cry tore out, ripping his throat to shreds. Sonny lunged for the spot on the couch where his lover had sat, surprised when he made contact with a thick warm body. Sonny looked up to see Rafael’s virdian eyes looking right back at him. 

_ ‘Odd. It popped back.’ _

“Rafael,” he stood up and grabbed him by the arm. “We need to get you out of here.” 

Sonny closed his eyes tight and thought of another memory from his childhood. When he opened them again they were standing in the middle of a park, snow was falling softly around them. Sonny watched his sisters as the ran around screaming, begging Sonny to come and join them.

“Go on,” Rafael said with a smile.

“No,” Sonny squeezed his hand. “I am not letting go of you again.” There was no response. “Rafael?”

‘ _ There.’ _

He turned only to find himself standing in Foley Square alone, he had two cups of coffee in hand. Rafael was walking towards him, a grumpy look on his face. He reached out to snatch the coffee from Sonny before he raised it to his mouth and took a sip.

“This isn’t working, Sonny,” he hissed.

“I know,” Sonny groaned. “I just don’t know where we can go.”

“Somewhere deeper,” Rafael insisted. “Something that you would have never told them. Something humiliating.”

“You just wanna see me at my worst,” Sonny rolled his eyes.

“Partly,” Rafael hummed in agreement. “What’s the harm?”

“I’m doing this because I love you,” Sonny muttered before he grabbed him by the hand. “Humiliating…” Sonny whispered to himself, he took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut tight. This may be their last chance, he had to get this right. Rafael was counting on him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end! Thank you to everyone who read, commented and left kudos. All of you made my day.
> 
> Just a reminder that the science in this fic isn't accurate in the slightest. Nor is the description of memories. It's all a bit of fun.
> 
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic. Love you as always.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated.

The majority of Sonny’s memories from his childhood were happy ones. He had parents who cared for him, provided for him and loved him. He had older sisters who looked out for him, and a younger one who idolized him. They grew up in a safe neighborhood, went to a safe school and had a simple, but enjoyable life.

So he understood the surprised look on Rafael’s face when he looked around Sonny’s childhood bedroom. But it wasn’t until the man looked back at Sonny, an expression of amusement on his face that Sonny went red. He was lying in his bed, right hand beneath the covers, clearly pleasuring himself. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he hissed as Rafael cocked a brow. “You asked for humiliation.”

The door opened and Gina popped her head in. “Sonny have you seen--”

Sonny immediately stopped what he was doing and tried to sink as far into the bed as he possibly could. He remembered this moment so clearly, being so scared that Gina had seen something. The sharp laughter that burst from her and echoed around the room made him want to scream into his pillow.

“I’ll just.. Uh…” Gina managed to choke out. “Ask in the morning. Just uh… Night.” Even though she quickly shut the door behind her Sonny could still here her laughter fading into the distance.

“Oh, Sonny,” he hated the pity in Rafael’s voice. Sonny raised a hand to cut him off.

“It gets better,” Sonny shuddered. “Three, two, one.”

“Teresa,” her shriek caused Sonny to jump even though he knew it was coming. “Guess what I just saw.”

“Do I want to know the end of that conversation?” Rafael asked. He was clearly trying not to laugh himself.

“I never heard the rest,” Sonny muttered. “But I kept imagining the worst.”

“I’m sure you did,” Rafael sat down next to him.

“You have no idea what things were like after that,” Sonny leaned over to rest his forehead on Rafael’s back. “I swear Teresa and Gina looked at me daily with a knowing smile.”

“One of the many reasons I am glad to be an only child.”

_ ‘Almost got them _ .’

“Shit,” Sonny swore before he moved to push the blankets off. “I think they’ve found us again.”

Sonny hopped out of bed only to find himself face first on the floor, his pyjama pants around his knees. He scowled as he rolled himself over and drew his pants over his hips. Grabbing a laughing Rafael by the leg, he closed his eyes shut and looked for another moment.

He opened his eyes.

The landscape was rugged, a stoney cliff face overlooking pristine ocean. Sonny rose to his feet and looked around for Rafael. His slightly faded figure was standing on the edge, he was leaning forward, looking down at the stones below. Sonny walked over and placed a tentative hand on his back, drawing Rafael to the present.

“What’s so humiliating about this moment?” Rafael turned to face Sonny. His green eyes had always reminded him of this place.

“Nothing,” Sonny answered truthfully. “I just always wanted to come here with you.” 

“Where is here?” Rafael asked as a car sped past them. 

“You’ve been all over the world,” Sonny teased as he looped an arm over a faded shoulder. “But you’ve never seen your own country.”

“Untrue,” the response was quick. “I’ve been to Boston.”

“It’s the Big Sur, Rafael,” Sonny chuckled as he ignored Rafael’s protests. “Always wanted to go on a road trip with you.” He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. “Always wanted to see the world with you.”

When he opened his eyes he was met with darkness once more. He felt around, scrambling in the dark, looking for Rafael. It was no use, he was gone.

_ ‘Okay, we got him back on track. I think I'm just going to have to get through this manually. We're running late.’ _

Sonny felt a tug to his navel. The world span and he was standing in Rafael’s apartment once more. Except this time it was different. Chunks of the walls were missing, there was holes in the carpet. The man himself was standing in the middle, surveying the ruin around him.

“Sonny,” he croaked. “Please.”

“Rafael,” Sonny ran over to him, and grabbed him by the arm. He closed his eyes tight once more and dragged them back to his childhood, another memory of his mother in the yard. He looked at Rafael, a small smile on his face. “See? Everything is f--”

There was another tug. This time he hung onto Rafael, squeezing tight. He never wanted to let go. It was no use, he felt the man slip from his grasp. Once more they were standing in Rafael’s crumbling apartment

_ ‘I'm getting the hang of it.’ _

Once more Sonny found himself running over to Rafael. Once more he grabbed him by the arm and forced him into another memory from his youth. Once more Sonny felt the tug, and then they were back, standing even further apart than they had been. 

_ ‘I still don't understand it. But I am finding him quickly enough.’ _

The pattern kept repeating. Sonny would run over to Rafael, grab him, drag him into another memory, only for them to end up back at Rafael’s rapidly vanishing apartment. Everytime he found himself back in the ruin, Sonny felt as though he had lost another part of himself.

He stalked over to Rafael, and reached out to grab him once more.

_ ‘I'm hopeful there won't be too much collateral eradication.’   _

Rafael caught him by the wrist. “Sonny, stop.”

“I can do this, Rafael,” Sonny choked out. “I can do this.”

“Sonny,” Rafael murmured as he took a step forward. “It’s time to let go.”

“Please.”

“What was our first date?” Rafael continued to press, Sonny just shook his head. “Our first kiss? Our first time together?” Sonny felt numb. “When is my birthday?”

“October,” Sonny gasped out.

“When?” Rafael asked again.

Sonny felt a single tear run down his cheek. “I don’t know.”

“It’s over, Sonny,” Rafael murmured, he raised his hand and rested it over Sonny’s heart.

“But we can make those memories again, Rafael,” Sonny reached out to cup Rafael’s cheek with his hand. “I want to have those memories again.”

“Then find me,” Rafael whispered. “Find me, Sonny.”

Sonny looked into Rafael’s viridian eyes and rubbed a circle into his cheek, coaxing one last smile from the man. Sonny leaned forward and brushed his lips gently against Rafael’s, before he finally pressed a kiss to his lips. Even as Rafael faded around him, he focused on the kiss. Even when he no longer could feel the man’s hands on him, he knew that he had to hold on.

 

_ BEEP BEEP BEEP. _

 

Sonny slammed his hand onto his aging alarm clock, desperately trying to stop the noise. When the alarm finally stopped relief washed over him, he snuggled deeper into his blankets before he opened one eye to check the time. It was five AM, he needed to be at work by six.

With a groan, he scrambled out from under the blankets, forcing himself out of bed. He padded down the hall, into his bathroom, and turned on the shower. As he waited for the water to heat up he tried to remember what he had dreamed of, but his mind came to a complete blank. He ran a hand under the water to check the temperature before he finally stepped under the stream. 

As the warm water cascaded over his aching muscles, Sonny let out a moan, even though he had specifically gone to bed early he felt as though he hadn’t slept at all. All he could do was pray that he had an easy day ahead of him. After all, there were no current active cases on his docket. Well, as far as he could remember. 

\--

Forlini’s was more Lieutenant Benson’s scene than Sonny’s, but he’d had a long day and someone had left the restaurant's business card on his desk. A decent meal and a couple of drinks sounded like the perfect way to end an evening. Which is why Sonny found himself headed towards the bar, hoping not to run into his boss.

As he sat down and ordered the beer on tap before he took a look around. There wasn’t much to the place. It hadn’t changed since the last time he had visited, though for the life of him, Sonny couldn’t remember when that was.

He noticed another man sitting a couple of stools away. He looked to be completing the New York Times daily crossword, a pen scribbling away furiously over the printed paper. He felt a rush of déjà vu. There was something familiar about him, something that Sonny couldn’t quite place. He was tempted to say something to the seated figure, he had completed the puzzle himself earlier that day. But the bartender placing his beer in front of him was the distraction Sonny had been waiting for.

Still, as he sipped at his beer he couldn’t help but continue look down the bar to the man. There was something just about him that irked Sonny. As he slowly drank his beer he kept sneaking glances at the man, wondering why he was doing his crossword at a bar rather than at home. At one point the man even looked up and locked eyes with Sonny. As he tore his gaze away his stomach swooped.

As his beer neared the end Sonny contemplated ordering another. He flagged down the bartender and placed his order before jerking his thumb towards the man. “And one of whatever he is having.” The man perked up and looked at him, and Sonny held his gaze for a moment before turning back to the bartender. “Thanks.”

He watched as a bottle of scotch was removed from the shelf and was poured into a glass. When the drink was placed in front of the man, Sonny nodded with a smile before turning his attention back to the bartender, eagerly awaiting his own beverage. When the golden colored brew was placed in front of him, Sonny thanked the bartender, tipped them generously and took a swig of his beer.

“Any particular reason you’re feeling so generous?” A rich tenor caused Sonny to choke on his drink.

The man had slid over to him, and Sonny couldn’t help but appreciate the view. He was wearing slacks, a fitted vest and an all to familiar looking salmon coloured tie. The newspaper was tucked under his arm and his long fingers were curled over the top of his glass.

Sonny couldn’t help but swallow.

“Rough day,” he managed to choke out. “You look like yours wasn’t much better.”

“You’re a perceptive man, aren’t you…”

“Sonny,” he eagerly offered his hand. The man slowly raised a brow before accepting it with a firm shake. “Dominick, actually, but everyone calls me Sonny.”

“An interesting choice,” the man mused.

Sonny couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. “Ma tells me the nickname was hers first.”

“A momma’s boy, I see.” Sonny felt a blush creep up the back of his beck at the gentle tease. There was a glint in the man’s incredibly green eyes.

Sonny scowled. “If you’re done teasing--”

“I’m never done,” the man continued. Sonny could feel as his gaze slowly raked over his body. “I always make a point of getting to know handsome men who buy me drinks.”

Sonny attempted to hide how red he was becoming by taking a long sip of his beer. When he put his glass down the sharp look in the man’s eye had softened, and Sonny knew he was done for. If he was reading the man correctly, he was clearly interested. Sonny forced a smirk on to his face and took a deep breath.

“So uh…” He licked his lips. “If we’re getting to know one another, what can I call you.”

The man leaned forward, a sultry smirk on his face. “You can call me Rafael.”


End file.
